Things England isn’t allowed to do
by tedyvirysa
Summary: Title says it all.I'm starting a contest of who can make the most hilarious fic about England breaking all those rules. For more info go to my profile page.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Things England isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to use my fairies for attacking purposes.

-Even if I'm doing it for the noble cause of saving everyone from France's perverted ways.

-Even if I'm doing it to protect someone from Prussia.

2. I'm not allowed to use black magic to summon Germania.

-He had dealt with Rome, but France is more...France-ish.

3. I'm not allowed to say that the weather is good at my house and then leave France outside in the rain.

-That's cruel and I shouldn't do it.

4. I'm not allowed to lure America into any form of traps.

-Especially if he ends up as a chibi.

-Him being cute is not a good reason for turning him into a chibi.

5. I'm not allowed to send the other nations to another dimension every time they start fighting.

-Which is practically always.

-Besides they will find their way back just to spite me.

-...who is insane enough to agree to stay in an unknown dimension with both Prussia and France anyway?

6. I'm not allowed to help Belarus with stalking Russia.

-Even if that will make him too busy with running and he won't be able to make another world domination plan.

-Besides its cruel and will result in broken doors.

7. I'm not allowed to fight with France on whatever Canada looks more like me or him.

-Or for language rights.

-Or custody.

8. I'm not allowed to turn back into my old pirate self.

-There is nothing left to discover anyway.

-The female nations are extremely dangerous now and won't tolerate it.

9. I'm not allowed to sit back and let Poland talk with ponies.

-I should be helping him, not turning him into myself.

-I'm bad influence.

10. I'm not allowed to show anyone Hong Kong's baby pictures.

-The excuse that he is cute on them won't help me when he decides to show the other nations my pictures of that one time I was forced to dress up as the Britannia angel.

11. I'm not allowed to say that my siblings used to always make me eat my vegetables and not unhealthy food every time Sealand eats fast food.

- He is his own nation and I shouldn't be so protective of him.

12. I'm not allowed to say that paradise is in the middle of the Bermuda triangle.

-Because some nations may actually go there to check it out.

13. I'm not allowed to tell Hungary of where Russia holds his photos from the Soviet time.

-She has done nothing to me but the rumors of the cruel fate of others captured by her are still making me worried.

14. I'm not allowed to participate in Survivor.

-I don't want to anyway; they didn't serve tea and had no manners and those cannibals from the neighboring jungle ate all the other contestants!

15. I'm not allowed to say James Bond actually exist.

-Officially speaking he is a movie character, unofficial speaking...you are not allowed to know about him at all actually, I will have to erase your memory now.

16. I'm not allowed to drink vodka.

-Or any other alcohol for well-known reasons.

17. I'm not allowed to convert other countries in watching Monty Python.

-Even if it is the most hilarious thing ever.

18. I'm not allowed to summon General Winter.

-That's Russia's job.

19. I'm not allowed to tell scary stories about the medieval ages to Alfred.

-Even if he becomes quiet after that. Scaring him with stories of how an ork ate the tooth faerie is immature.

20. I'm not allowed to subotash Spain in any shape or form.

-Thank God for loopholes!

21. I'm not allowed to start a space program the purpose of which it will be to make Mars a new place for growing the different herbs required for tea.

-Tea is important, but to dedicate an entire planet for it is wasteful.

22. I'm not allowed to go camping in the woods instead of going to the meetings.

-Even thou the meetings are useless due to the constant yelling.

23. I'm not allowed to fallow Greece example and just sleep throe the meetings.

-I'm supposed to give Sealand good example.

24. I'm not allowed to say Hungary is going to take over the world.

-She may get ideas and that won't end up well for the male nations.

25. I'm not allowed to use Busbies Chair to eliminate America.

-Russia always gets in the way.

26. I'm not allowed to curse Russia.

-He has won't be pleased and that will end in a painful encounter for me.

27. I'm not allowed to cook.

-I don't understand what's wrong with my cooking.

28. I'm not allowed to start dissuasion about true art with Austria.

-It will last for hours.

29. I'm not allowed to laugh for more than one minute.

-The other nations may get the idea that I'm plotting something...they're not too far from the truth.

30. I'm not allowed to address Hungary by:

"Dark one"

"Your Imperial Evilness"

"Lady of the dark pixies"

"Holder of the perverted pics"

"Satan's tormentor."

And many more titles that will fit he personality perfectly.

Reviews are welcomed, but please no flames.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Things England isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to make a unicorn army and then send it against France.

-...knowing France he may scare the poor unicorns for life.

2. I'm not allowed to pretend that I don't understand what is being said to me when someone is talking to me using America's version of English.

-That's quite childish of me.

3. I'm not allowed to teach Canada how to be a pirate.

-It will bring out his bad side.

4. I'm not allowed to curse the fools who want me to dress up as a waiter.

-Or a police officer.

-They are all sick.

5. I'm not allowed to help Switzerland with protecting Lichtenstein from France.

- Even thou it will give me a reason to start a war against France.

6. I'm not allowed to try and save Austria from Hungary.

-Or Russia from Belarus.

-...may their souls rest in peace.

7. I'm not allowed to tie France up with red ribbons and then throw him in a pool full of sharks.

-Especially if it's for the sole reason of killing him.

8. I'm not allowed to go back in time via magic.

-That's cheating.

9. I'm not allowed to turn the other male nations into females just because I was bored.

- I'm not allowed to turn the female nations into males either.

10. I'm not allowed to open a portal to Hell and then throw Spain in.

-He will drag me with him.

11. I'm not allowed to make any comments about Scandinavia's shape.

-Especially if they are British humor.

12. I'm not allowed to make a nasty comment every time America calls me "The one on which the sun is afraid to shine".

-He doesn't know any better.

13. I'm not allowed to tie dynamite sticks and then send them to France.

-I'll send bombs with detonators instead.

14. I'm not allowed to curse anyone in seeing only pink unicorns for a week.

-Even if they had angered me.

15. I'm not allowed to tell Turkey that every frog turns into a princess when kissed.

-He will make me test that theory.

16. I'm not allowed to force the other nations into living with my siblings for a week.

-They will end up like me.

17. I'm not allowed to put any chibi potion in Russia's tea.

-He will eventually grow up and then my days will be numbered.

18. I'm not allowed to switch France's ducky with a carrot.

-...how is this going to kill him?

19. I'm not allowed to poke Russia with a ruler.

-Okay, if you are searching for nations with suicidal tendencies go to Austria, he married Hungary after all.

20. I'm not allowed to ask Greece what he thought about piracy.

-It is rather cruel way to remind him he wasn't free at the time.

21. I'm not allowed to send Prussia on a suicidal mission.

-Especially if it has something to do with Belarus.

-That's extremely cruel of me.

22. I'm not allowed to call the Eastern Europe nations "Asian spies".

-But they all came from Asia!

-Russia won't be amused.

23. I'm not allowed to speak with Bulgaria.

-He is still mad at me for cutting off some of his original territories and giving them to his neighbors.

-I wasn't the only one in on this but apparently he marked me for his glare target and nothing will change.

24. I'm not allowed to give Spain the wrong location for a world meeting.

-That's quite childish of me, but I'm still going to find a loophole for this rule!

25. I'm not allowed to call Cyprus "Turkey and Greece's love child".

-Greece won't be amused...he is named Heracles for a reason.

26. I'm not allowed to make any jokes about the governments of others.

-They can make the same jokes about mine as well.

27. I'm not allowed to propose that Lithuania and Belarus should marry.

-The poor fellow is blinded by love and will actually agree.

28. I'm not allowed to call Cuba "my precious son".

-Especially if it's only to spite America.

-Cuba will be freaked out.

29. I'm not allowed to have a "James Bond" spy mode.

-The grumpy one will become even grumpier.

30. I'm not allowed to claim that the oceans are attacking us.

-Well officially speaking they're not, but practically they are.

-It will cause panic.

Reviews are welcomed, flames, on the other hand, are not.


End file.
